Free Fall and Psychological Fall – Out

Please let me begin by saying I generally have a positive outlook on life, and wake up each morning counting my blessings and always have. Besides I have strong survival instincts and have always been pretty resourceful.

And then, the last eighteen months happened.

Lets see… Where shall I begin?

When we first arrived we had a couple grand to work with. The mortgage had already been paid for the month and the thinking was.. : How tough could it be to find a couple of jobs, even if they were only part-time? It didn’t happen, and another month went by, and still nothing.

Now we’re scared!

With in a few months we were frequenting local food banks and for the first time EVER, applying for federal food assistance.

The little money we were making went to gas, toiletries and every day household incidentals.

There was nothing left for anything else. There were no more trips to the nail salon and regular haircuts became a problem for my husband.

We also began having a septic system problems which left us unable to use the washing machine, otherwise water would back up into the sinks, tub, toilet, etc..

This continues a be a problem. It really needs to be pumped out.

We eventually sold the washing machine and started washing our clothes in a tub. We used the drier until the belt broke from not being able to wring the clothes out properly.

It wasn’t long before caring for our basic needs became a very real issue.

There was absolutely no money for household maintenance.

Finally, a job offer came and I started working for a national hotel chain. But it didn’t matter because within days, my car stopped running due to an electrical problem under the dash. With no transportation there was no job. My net pay for the week was $112.00 of which I probably put half of that in the gas tank. The car was towed to a mechanic and it cost $200.00 to fix it.

It was during this time, we took on a roommate to help with expenses. That turned out to be a nightmare, and she lasted three weeks.

So many little things happened that by themselves would be nothing but with no money, seemed insurmountable.

The worry and stress alone is enough to kill you.

Yet asking for help, is downright demoralizing. And especially from family and friends, it was like trying to pull teeth. Eventually you stop asking for fear of straining these relationships any further. ‘Out of sight, out of mind too’, I guess because noone seems to ask how you are faring. That’s another thing I noticed.

You try to tell yourself that the struggle is just temporary BUT it just seems to go on and on and with very little relief.

Self-esteem plummets and depression sets in.

Do you have any idea what all this does to ones psyche?

I can tell you first hand, it’s devastating!

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