Peace !?!?! Love !?!?! Coffee !?!?!?!

peace-love-coffee

The other morning I woke and realized there was very little coffee left in the house as in just enough for a couple of cups 😦 Mind you, purchasing the coffee on the day I was at the store was not the problem. I can buy a small jar of Pampa brand for a buck at DG, but forgot it. Yep! I forgot it! Shame on ME! But on this morning it was too late to do anything about it, because making sure there was enough gas in the car for him to get to work Friday was the issue.

coffeebeforetalky

No problem, I keep teabags in the house for just such an occasion. And being the cheerful and charitable morning person that I am, left what was left for my husband who is not the nicest morning person in the world. Add the stresses of our situation and OMG!

Well on that morning, he was a bear, and started nitpicking about everything he could think of, including the fact that there was so little coffee left and about ( whispers ) my ‘incompetency’ as a domestic goddess. All this while he walked away from the kitchen counter with a steaming hot cup of coffee. One large cup is his limit, mind you. I was the one who was going without my coffee.

Needless to say we had some words over his all too frequent morning grumblings.

Still he is one that spouts off and if you leave him be, he’s over it in no time. I can’t shake things like he does.

Honestly we don’t argue much by comparison. Because it takes two to argue and I don’t like arguing about diddly nonsense. Life is much too hard to worry myself sick over the small stuff. My thinking is we have enough on our plates to be hateful to one another.

Well, usually this would start world war three, but I didn’t care at that moment. I was pissed by his insensitivity.

I guess I made my point because he settled down almost immediately and we went about our day. With me, drinking milk white, hot tea which is the way my Nanny Esham taught me to drink it as a child. Still, even milk-white tea, gives me the jitters when consumed in my usual quantities.

Needless to say, I did not sleep well that night. In fact, I didn’t sleep hardly at all.

I woke early, and woke him with another steaming hot cup of coffee to send him off to work at the fleamarket with. More, milk-white hot tea for me. Still, grateful for some time to myself.

Yesterday, I went back to bed and slept the best part of the day away. No doubt I needed it BUT it makes me feel useless and as if I wasted my day.

Truthfully I was downright ill. And didn’t feel much better when I woke up.

Last night I was still feeling defeated and kind of weepy. Maudlin my husband called it.

I know we all handle stress and metabolize differently but caffeine is caffeine, isn’t it? POSSIBLY NOT!

Ron came home from the flea market yesterday in much better spirits having made $17.00. After putting a bit more gas in the car, he had $9 on him when he got home. Between that and a badly needed $20 donation that came through yesterday morning , I was able to get back to DG and purchase not one, but two jars of coffee, cat food and a few other things we needed.

So such is a few days in the life of a caffeine addict.

Your donations are still needed and greatly appreciated!

https://allbuthomeless.wordpress.com/donations-welcome/

Free Fall and Psychological Fall – Out

Please let me begin by saying I generally have a positive outlook on life, and wake up each morning counting my blessings and always have. Besides I have strong survival instincts and have always been pretty resourceful.

And then, the last eighteen months happened.

Lets see… Where shall I begin?

When we first arrived we had a couple grand to work with. The mortgage had already been paid for the month and the thinking was.. : How tough could it be to find a couple of jobs, even if they were only part-time? It didn’t happen, and another month went by, and still nothing.

Now we’re scared!

With in a few months we were frequenting local food banks and for the first time EVER, applying for federal food assistance.

The little money we were making went to gas, toiletries and every day household incidentals.

There was nothing left for anything else. There were no more trips to the nail salon and regular haircuts became a problem for my husband.

We also began having a septic system problems which left us unable to use the washing machine, otherwise water would back up into the sinks, tub, toilet, etc..

This continues a be a problem. It really needs to be pumped out.

We eventually sold the washing machine and started washing our clothes in a tub. We used the drier until the belt broke from not being able to wring the clothes out properly.

It wasn’t long before caring for our basic needs became a very real issue.

There was absolutely no money for household maintenance.

Finally, a job offer came and I started working for a national hotel chain. But it didn’t matter because within days, my car stopped running due to an electrical problem under the dash. With no transportation there was no job. My net pay for the week was $112.00 of which I probably put half of that in the gas tank. The car was towed to a mechanic and it cost $200.00 to fix it.

It was during this time, we took on a roommate to help with expenses. That turned out to be a nightmare, and she lasted three weeks.

So many little things happened that by themselves would be nothing but with no money, seemed insurmountable.

The worry and stress alone is enough to kill you.

Yet asking for help, is downright demoralizing. And especially from family and friends, it was like trying to pull teeth. Eventually you stop asking for fear of straining these relationships any further. ‘Out of sight, out of mind too’, I guess because noone seems to ask how you are faring. That’s another thing I noticed.

You try to tell yourself that the struggle is just temporary BUT it just seems to go on and on and with very little relief.

Self-esteem plummets and depression sets in.

Do you have any idea what all this does to ones psyche?

I can tell you first hand, it’s devastating!