Yes, I am overwhelmed with my situation and I am struggling with putting myself out here like this.
It’s not in my nature to cry poor mouth. Truly it isn’t. And I still cringe at the prospect. At the same time, I know I don’t have much choice if I hope to keep our heads above water and a roof over our head. There is no room for pride or embarrassment in our predicament.
Afterall, we are All but Homeless.
I can compare this to having a job that I hate. And what I wouldn’t give to have a job ( even if a hated it) if it would afford us self-sufficiency.
I could also compare this site, and all it stands for, to a form of pan handling. A cowardly form at that I guess.
A blogging buddy at: http://gottafindahome.wordpress.com said it best yesterday.
“Panhandlers aren’t out there because they want to be . They’re out there because otherwise they’d starve.”
I can relate to this and for the first time in my life!
But do you know what the difference between myself and a panhandler is?
While THEY PUT THEMSELVES WAY out there, every single day I get to hide in my home behind locked doors, away from any real danger, out the elements, and away from people that IF it was in their power, they’d simply remand the panhandler to another planet if only to keep from having to look at them. No one can humilate me further by spitting, cursing, or throwing something at me either. But panhandlers face this every day.
I couldn’t do it! And to think I once thought myself better.
SO SAD , truly!
But still if I am going to survive this , I am going to need another layer of skin. The skin I wear presently in wearing thin fast. Does that make any sense?
I realistically knew when I created this blog that this project would be a long, slow, painful process! I just didn’t know how long, slow and painful it would be.
I only wish that someone, who believed in prevention ( and was in a position to help) on more than a passive level would come along and see something in us that was redeemable .
Please don’t get me wrong every little bit helps and I am truly grateful BUT we really need is someone to pull us out of the fire and stop the bleeding once and for all.
What makes us more deserving than anyone else? NOTHING REALLY!
I can only appeal to those who may happen upon this post. To tell them that our need is genuine.
The only promise I can make it that if and as soon as it were possibe, I would pay any blessing given us forward which has always been my practice anyway.
I appreciate you taking the time to read this.
Thank you and as always, God Bless…