Wednesday’s Reality

Today should be a good day. The 2nd means we made it through another month without going hungry and our food assistance is replenished for the month. I even have gas to get to and from the grocery store in a neighboring town. The problem is I have a past due electric bill, and a shut off order applied to my account as of yesterday. With this in mind, I am hesitant to purchase food ( particularly persishables)

The past-due amount is $ 171.00.

Today, I also face having my internet shut off again. That amount is $128.00

And AGAIN, the mortgage went unpaid for September. $431.87. They gave me 7 days ( on the 30th ) to pay or face foreclosure. Actually they are trying to get us to quit claim title back over to them. 😦

Any one can be paid directly to the specific entity and I will gladly provide specifics.

And I am still living in what is fast becoming squalor. With our plumbing and back load of trash still piled everywhere.

it sucks because I know that we are doing EVERYTHING we know to do to help ourselves. AND I can’t continue living this way. I don’t wish this on my worst enemy… TODAY I feel as though I am suffocating.

AND YET, Every move I make I question whether or IT would be pleasing to GOD! Even pleasing to those I have grown close to.

I have tried desperately to remain positive through this. I cling to my faith. I pray and I pray some more.

I have reached out in every way I know how. AND YES, I realize that no one here owes me one red cent and I know how all this must sound. I know how it sounds to me. I hate being so dependent, but the fact remains that I am, and this is why I began this fundraiser to begin with.

TRULY, I don’t want to keep BEATING a dead horse. This is our only HOPE! To reach someone that is financially able to STEP up beyond all reason and HELP where the GREATEST needs are!

Last but not least, I am quite thankful for the assistance we have gotten in this fundraiser. A FEW have GONE WAY ABOVE and BEYOND!

It’s amazing, quite honestly! I hope I have sufficiently expressed my gratitude to everyone who has helped us on this journey, Sometime I wonder about that too.

However, donations are still DESPERATELY needed.

So PLEASE, if you are able, please donate. If you have questions or would like to help with a specific need, please ask.

Thank you ALL for listening…

My pleas are heartfelt and genuine,

God Bless You.

Out of Suffering …

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Out of suffering has emerged
the strongest souls;
the most massive characters are
seared with scars .. ~ Unknown

Yep I may be a little beat up ( scarred up ) BUT I’m not broken and I’m still standing …

Thank you God!

Image Credit: Reiki Revolution

Peace !?!?! Love !?!?! Coffee !?!?!?!

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The other morning I woke and realized there was very little coffee left in the house as in just enough for a couple of cups 😦 Mind you, purchasing the coffee on the day I was at the store was not the problem. I can buy a small jar of Pampa brand for a buck at DG, but forgot it. Yep! I forgot it! Shame on ME! But on this morning it was too late to do anything about it, because making sure there was enough gas in the car for him to get to work Friday was the issue.

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No problem, I keep teabags in the house for just such an occasion. And being the cheerful and charitable morning person that I am, left what was left for my husband who is not the nicest morning person in the world. Add the stresses of our situation and OMG!

Well on that morning, he was a bear, and started nitpicking about everything he could think of, including the fact that there was so little coffee left and about ( whispers ) my ‘incompetency’ as a domestic goddess. All this while he walked away from the kitchen counter with a steaming hot cup of coffee. One large cup is his limit, mind you. I was the one who was going without my coffee.

Needless to say we had some words over his all too frequent morning grumblings.

Still he is one that spouts off and if you leave him be, he’s over it in no time. I can’t shake things like he does.

Honestly we don’t argue much by comparison. Because it takes two to argue and I don’t like arguing about diddly nonsense. Life is much too hard to worry myself sick over the small stuff. My thinking is we have enough on our plates to be hateful to one another.

Well, usually this would start world war three, but I didn’t care at that moment. I was pissed by his insensitivity.

I guess I made my point because he settled down almost immediately and we went about our day. With me, drinking milk white, hot tea which is the way my Nanny Esham taught me to drink it as a child. Still, even milk-white tea, gives me the jitters when consumed in my usual quantities.

Needless to say, I did not sleep well that night. In fact, I didn’t sleep hardly at all.

I woke early, and woke him with another steaming hot cup of coffee to send him off to work at the fleamarket with. More, milk-white hot tea for me. Still, grateful for some time to myself.

Yesterday, I went back to bed and slept the best part of the day away. No doubt I needed it BUT it makes me feel useless and as if I wasted my day.

Truthfully I was downright ill. And didn’t feel much better when I woke up.

Last night I was still feeling defeated and kind of weepy. Maudlin my husband called it.

I know we all handle stress and metabolize differently but caffeine is caffeine, isn’t it? POSSIBLY NOT!

Ron came home from the flea market yesterday in much better spirits having made $17.00. After putting a bit more gas in the car, he had $9 on him when he got home. Between that and a badly needed $20 donation that came through yesterday morning , I was able to get back to DG and purchase not one, but two jars of coffee, cat food and a few other things we needed.

So such is a few days in the life of a caffeine addict.

Your donations are still needed and greatly appreciated!

https://allbuthomeless.wordpress.com/donations-welcome/

How empty is empty?

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Or I pose this question.. “How empty does empty have to be?”

WARNING!!! WARNING!!! WARNING !!!! Brutal Honesty Ahead!

BELIEVE ME! It’s Empty! It has been 10 days since our last donation, and that went straight to the mortgage.

PLEASE FORGIVE ME as I truly am at a loss for words, and I’m struggling with my thoughts today!

Hand to mouth IS NOTHING new to me. I’ve never made a huge amount of money, despite decades of hard work ( other than a couple of hard-earned wind-falls back in the 90s ) BUT it was always MORE than enough! And YES, even ENOUGH to share a bit which I did on a regular basis when I was able . There was always a GREAT comfort in knowing that there was a paycheck coming at the end of the week. Right now we still don’t have that luxury. And it’s a scary, way to live.

You see, when you have nothing, it’s NOT ENOUGH which was and continues to be the reason for this fundraiser.

I don’t know what I expected when I began this fundraiser nearly five months ago. I do know that we have received more than we ever could have hoped for, having raised $2,610.00 in the course of five months through the generosity of 19 individuals…!!! 5 of those, donated more than once. The donations of one individual, accounts for more than half of the donations received for our welfare . This individual has been AMAZINGLY generous! In fact the whole of ya’ll have been considering you were all strangers to me five months ago. WE ARE GRATEFUL for all the support. I know we have a lot of you , pulling for us. And I love that. This post is not about that!

Please, now I ask you to think about this. 5 months, $2,610.00. We have lived on that, for the most part with not much else coming into the household .

So please YOUR DONATIONS are still NEEDED and GREATLY appreciated….

Again, hand-to-mouth is nothing new to me. I have a lot of faith, and always try to remain positive. It’s not always easy though.

Furthermore, I am NOT trying to offend anyone or turn anyone off or away from helping me or someone else for that matter!

I’m just trying to be truthful in the way I am feeling today.

Yes I am frustrated. it’s been two years of sputtering for us. NO at times, I don’t understand. Then I think if I don’t understand, how can I expect anyone else to.

Yes, I am feeling discouraged! All we want is our lives back with some semblance of normalcy and it seems so elusive. Is that too much to ask? Really? I don’t think so.

Do I feel worthy of more than subsistence ? HECK YEAH!

Do I feel any shame in what I am doing? ABSOLUTELY NOT! Because I know we are doing the VERY BEST that we can with what we have to work with.

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PAY PAL is PREFERRED for a couple of reasons. 1) Funds are transferred in REAL TIME giving us immediate access. 2) My mortgage holders have an pay pal account and I can transfer directly to them from my pay pal account. 3) The donations are easier to keep track of with their statement system.

If you would like to donate via pay-pal, please click here.( you will be directed to our personal website where you will find a button for paypal. ) Click on it to donate any amount )

12 days shy of 5 mo. Anniversary, $390.00 to Our Goal!

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We would love to reach it in the next 12 days. We actually NEED to reach our goal sooner than that. Do you think we can do it? I do! 🙂 Because of the length of time it has taken us to get this far, not all the needs have been reckoned with, however, reaching our goal would give us a fighting chance. Wheeeeww!

It’s exciting to think about it. SO very very very very close NOW.

If we received 20, $20.00 donations…

If we got 39, $10 donations …

8, $50 dollar donations …

or 4, $100.00 donations… We’d be covered!

My husband finally goes back to work tomorrow. I am working feverishly to get my web design services launched again. And also have started with Amazon Mechanical Turks. All the while still applying for jobs that present themselves. I am hoping that interviews will come of at least a few of those I applied for last week,

Donations are still NEEDED and GREATLY appreciated!

Thanks to all of you who have supported us and continued to support us in this effort.

What an AWESOME thing you are doing for us.

GOD BLESS!

What she said… (1st of several posts I plan to write today) Stay tuned!!!!

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I would like to begin this day by thanking my friend and fellow blogger Mish . She wrote an article in my behalf yesterday. This is not the first article she’s written for me, probably like the third or fourth. She has been HUGELY supportive since the beginning! And I’ll even go as far to say that I didn’t understand why she was so eager to help us as she did. Not until I happened upon a comment she made on another’s blog concerning her own family member who is also struggling.

Anyway, Mish has this uncanny ability to get in my head, and express what I so often feel but don’t often express openly for various reasons. .

She HITS on several major points that I am often too frustrated to articulate with as much grace when I write some of my more angsty posts.

She has definitely outdone herself here and if you haven’t read the post I ask you to do so today .

http://mishunderstood.wordpress.com/2013/08/31/she-needs-your-help/

All I can say Mish, is that you are more than welcome to climb up on your soapbox and speak in my behalf anytime! And if your soapbox ever wears out, you can borrow mine! 🙂

Thanks MISH ! Truly!
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