I have no doubt known many blessings in this life. Probably more than my share.
No NOT luck, in fact, I am probably the unluckiest person on this planet and that is why I
don’t rarely play the lottery. Karma, well. Hmmmmm. I do believe in what goes around, comes around – and I have been on both sides of the street when the BIG BAD Karma bus came barreling around the corner. Believe me! I have the battle scars to prove it.
But what I am talking about are blessings which by the way, none of us are denied. Some are so BIG, that even a blind man can see them. Some blessings are more subtle, like those presented in a sense of well-being or in a child’s smile.
Not to mention, more than a few miracles, I have been party to, witnessed or that have been bestowed on me ( or mine ) personally.
I am GRATEFUL! At least I have always tried to be grateful! Every once in awhile, I’d even question whether I expressed it enough.
I love to share of this knowledge and most times I really can’t help myself. Yes I am a living breathing testament to God’s grace.
Still, I have never wanted to cram my personal beliefs down anyone’s throat. But going back to what I said before, I can’t help myself, and in retrospect, I am just now realizing that I have never really minded bending someones ear, even when that someone is less than receptive. But there is no greater joy then when I have connected with someone, in a deep down place and I can see the spirit well up inside another believer.
Just over a year and a half ago though, I lost my footing, my life changed drastically. I left a job, lost my income, could not find work and literally hit rock bottom. I was confused, angry, bitter- uhmmm devastated ( financially and otherwise) and I might even add a few more explicatives if I thought they’d add impact to what I am saying here.
But my faith waned. I felt completely forsaken. How could God do this to me? You know? I even asked him once to just come ahead and take me, if this is what I had to look forward to in my golden years. Damn. I worked hard all my life. I am deserving? I am not unworthy, am I ? And as time went on, things got worse and worse yet. And I was like. Seriously God, this IS NOT funny! And honestly, I still have these moments though not as many as I used to. This is hard, it takes effort but knowing negativity doesn’t help anything, I try to smother these feelings as soon as i become aware of them.
And yet, all along, despite my crying, begging, insolence, my God, was there all along. He never left.
This revelation came to me while I was preparing a personal financial statement for last year ( and by income I mean every single dime, donation, gift or modest earning) I was actually a little shocked by the numbers and the means. Trust me, I would much rather have been earning a paycheck. BUT….I have to count these things.
I am often asked. How are you paying your bills with no paycheck?
My answer, has always been ” We’re not!” And in a sense, that is true, but the truth is that we are, if only that most our basic needs ARE being met. There is also the fact that we have accumulated a staggering amount of debt. Like most other people in this world? HA! So what else is new?
BUT… We’ve yet to go hungry. We have our health. We have a roof over our head, and our power is still on. Some, don’t even have that. This would not have been possible but for so many little blessings over the last twenty or so months. Almost too many to count, So many, they got lost in the gravity our situation.
So, Am I blessed? YOU BETCHA!
IT is a collective effort to be sure, and for each person who didn’t turn their back in disbelief, I am grateful. But I also believe they acted on orders from the BIG BOSS at the top of the stairs.
SO I will give credit where it is due. I only wish I could have seen the larger picture before.
THANK YOU LORD!